Went to c the umbi rantai famous apek today...opposite his house got a coconut tree.. i wonder what that means in feng shui.. heard than more than half of sibu ppl went to c him b4.. what he predict on few of my friends already came to reality.. 1 fren tat apek say can't study oledi.. after few months tat fren really stop studying.. 1 fren tat apek say can't be pei yan if not will forever be people kakia.. tat guy really owes macam people dog... go around everywhere hu people lampa.. APEK has no hint at all but he just can say the right thing... amazing? anyway.. just gave it a shot.. gave him rm5 angpao.. no harm anyway.. my friend said his dead wife told him about us... n he's been doing this for many many years.. if all he knows is bullshitting i dun think he can survive so long... when i reached there with Johnny, saw around 7-8 people inside asking oledi.. all are those mothers n grandmas.. asking bout their son's marriage.. studies bla bla.. and they all listen to the apek so attentively n also seem to believe 100% everything he said... quite amusing.. i asked about my future.. here are briefly what he said about my future.. he said...
1. i'll only start to become tauke at the age of 29
2. i'll have to marry girls born in 1989 n 1991 to strike fortune, ular n kambing, but i will have to get married before the age of 28, otherwise all the girls i meet after my age of 28 will leave me 1 by 1..
3. he knows i had a gf i have no idea how, but he said even if i were to continue that relationship it'll eventually end before i reach 28. it's TRUE, i only had a gf!
4. i will not come across any significant disaster.. and i will live until 70+, he said it so confidently.. he also said that he would've told me earlier if i would face "nan" - tragedy before the age of 30.
5. i will not encounter problems with my siblings.. we'll get along peacefully in the future.
6. people always borrow my money n din return me.. but if it was me i will surely pay back.. (THIS IS SO FUCKING TRUE!! few cases oledi..) - i will not borrow money to my friend from now on.. fuck off!!
7. he said im a good people.. i don't hit people (TRUE)
8. my parents love me (TRUE) - how did he know my parents r not dead yet right?
9. he asked me not to listen to my friends.. cannot go out happy happy.. it will destruct me.. ( this i know... too general.. but nonetheless good reminder)
10. to study hard.. if my dad got ability to send me out 2 study i must go.. (i will...)
In conclusion, he repeated "mo ung teh" many times.. believe it or not? i'm not too sure.. but paying 5 bucks for the confidence he gave me is definitely worth it. after all there's nothing bad to believe... at least i don't have to worry much.. at least even if something bad could happen i will not worry so much till it really strikes me.. understand? POSITIVE THINKING! worrying doesn't not help! just do what i should do n everything will be alrite i guess..
however.. i find it abit hard to believe that nothing bad is going to get in my way like he said.. so smooth meh??maybe what he was referring to are the serious ones..
quite true what he said. from the beginning till the end of the session i didn't told him anything about myself and this is the first time i see him. we don't know each other, but he knows my thing!! hmM... bu shi kai wan xiao de o... maybe im too yen tao.. hehe... damn.. forget ask him toto buy wat number..
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
life is just as simple?
if we met problems, don't run because a bigger one awaits at the other end.
The faster n further you run from the smaller 1, the sooner you'll face the bigger one.
instead, face it, deal with it, and learn from it!
i think this applies to everything in life, doesn't it?
so be brave! be adventurous! i'm telling it to myself =.=
after 10 years, we'll look back and we'll only regret for things that we didn't do.
y? cos if we did something n it was a right decision, then it could've decide what we r in the future!
but what if that something we did was wrong? remember every mistakes are opportunities to improve ourselves! therefore, take the chance n give it a try! don't look back! BE afraid but don't just refuse! just do it.. don't restrict yourself!!
The faster n further you run from the smaller 1, the sooner you'll face the bigger one.
instead, face it, deal with it, and learn from it!
i think this applies to everything in life, doesn't it?
so be brave! be adventurous! i'm telling it to myself =.=
after 10 years, we'll look back and we'll only regret for things that we didn't do.
y? cos if we did something n it was a right decision, then it could've decide what we r in the future!
but what if that something we did was wrong? remember every mistakes are opportunities to improve ourselves! therefore, take the chance n give it a try! don't look back! BE afraid but don't just refuse! just do it.. don't restrict yourself!!
struggle
once again.. i'm feeling it again..... can't stop thinking... zune hsien leaving for melbourne today.. 2 more years he's a master of architecture oledi.. after 2 more years.. i'm only in my third year... sigh..somehow.. i think i chose the wrong route in my life.. getting master of engineering in UK syllabus only takes 4 years including the bachelor while the australian 1 needs freaking 6 years!! 2 years is alot!! i can earn alot in the 2 years! let's say i earn rm5000 a month, 5000 x 12 x 2 = 120000 ok!! considering the cost.. pounds oledi decrease to 5 lidat.. australian dollar only decrease abit.. but 1 year in UK n 2 years in australia.. the cost almost the same la.. how about the time ?? how 2 buy time? save more time come out work earlier earn back better rite? sigh.. why i didn't thought of all these earlier.. why i didn't go for UK syllabus foundation straight after form 5... or else now only need one more year to get my MASTER! y dat time so stupid go n choose STPM just because i didn't know what to choose? BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE MA!!!! zzzzzzzz..... thought get good result in form 5 then so smart edi form 6 sure no problem... WAT THE HECK...FAIL LO.... so dramatic?lol.. fucking stupidd!!!!!! so angry... but what to do.. now already stuck on the Australian side.. must live at uncle's house to save cost.. go Australia study master still need to live at his place.. sigh.. is this good or bad? God did u plan all these for me? if you did.. i'm sure you have better plans behind all these which i haven't realize... please make me realize... i'll do whatever now.... whatever... which benefits me the most...JIA YOU.. school starting soon! 16 more days... HERE I COME AGAIN SCHOLARSHIP!!!
should i continue to bet on TOTO? :x
should i continue to bet on TOTO? :x
Sunday, February 15, 2009
TOTO
OMG.
I'M ADDICTED TO TOTO?
YESTERDAY (VALENTINE DAY) WAS THE FIRST TIME EVER I BOUGHT TOTO IN MY LIFE
I BOUGHT 3316... BUT RM1.1 ONLY LAR...
BUT THE FIRST PRIZE CAME OUT TO BE 3378!!!!
33??? WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!!!
ANYWAY STILL NOT KENA LAR...
Y I DIDN'T THOUGHT OF 3378!!!!!!
378 MA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VALENTINE MUST 378 MA!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M ADDICTED TO TOTO?
YESTERDAY (VALENTINE DAY) WAS THE FIRST TIME EVER I BOUGHT TOTO IN MY LIFE
I BOUGHT 3316... BUT RM1.1 ONLY LAR...
BUT THE FIRST PRIZE CAME OUT TO BE 3378!!!!
33??? WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!!!
ANYWAY STILL NOT KENA LAR...
Y I DIDN'T THOUGHT OF 3378!!!!!!
378 MA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VALENTINE MUST 378 MA!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, February 13, 2009
MEEEEEEEEEEEEE
You Scored as Mathematics/Statistics. You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Mathematics, Statistics, or related majors (e.g., Accounting, Actuarial Science, Astronomy, Computer Engineering, Computer Information Systems (CIS), Computer Science, Economics, Engineering, Finance, Management Information Systems (MIS), Operations Management, Physics, Risk Management). It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests.
| Mathematics/Statistics | | 94% |
| French/Spanish/OtherLanguage | | 88% |
| Education/Counseling | | 81% |
| English/Journalism/Comm | | 81% |
| Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health | | 75% |
| Physics/Engineering/Computer | | 75% |
| Biology/Chemistry/Geology | | 69% |
| Psychology/Sociology | | 63% |
| Religion/Theology | | 63% |
| PoliticalScience/Philosophy | | 56% |
| Visual&PerformingArts | | 56% |
| Accounting/Finance/Marketing | | 44% |
| HR/BusinessManagement | | 44% |
| History/Anthropology/LiberalArts | | 31% |
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Turning Point?
I realize recently, I seldom voice out my opinion and hardly express what I'm really feeling. What happened to me?
I realize it's hard to accept the fact that I still need another 3 years and half to complete my degree course while many have already graduated.
I realize it's hard to get back to secondary school friends due to pride, due to the failure in STPM and foundation which caused the severe delay in my study life.
Damnit, I got 7A's in PMR and 8A's in SPM.. and STPM? C+ C- D F.. LOL... What did devil do to me? What was I thinking? Some horse shit blocked my brain??
I didn't thought of my future during form 6 and when I look back now I only see a fuckingg idiot screaming happily in the cc everyday... Being in the legendary HoV DotA clan representing v6 challenging pros everywhere.. we were definitely 1 of the top team in sibu that time... o2jam play until level 66!!!
WHAT FOR?? All the achievements barely has anything to do with me now.. I can only see the bad effects now.. well it was fun.. but imagine all the time and money wasted...It was the WORST thing that ever happened to me in my life so far.. a very very fucking black DOT in my history.. it's almost a SPLASH..
WHY COULDN'T I LOOK 2 YEARS FORWARD INTO THE FUTURE? DIDN'T I REALIZE THAT I COULDN'T ENTER UNI IF I DIDN'T DO WELL AND MY STUDY LIFE WOULD BE SEVERELY DELAYED?? OBVIOUSLY THE FAILURE WAS IN MY PREDICTION... BUT I DID NOTHING TO CHANGE MY DESTINY.. LOL... WHOAAA HAHAHAHAHAH because I was too damn obsessed.. many fucking times worse than if it's by the real devil.. at least for that case, priests can deal with it.. but... it was a new virus.. very strong and almost invulnerable.. cures were yet to be discovered 3 years ago.. the virus.. so robust and vigorous till it can almost be seen with our eyes!! They call it the God of the Computer Games.. it completely penetrated through my fragile heart and leave addiction in me... Not one day I could survive without gaming for at least few hours continuously..
Till now... many teenagers have not found the cure.. as a matter of fact it's still affecting lots of them nowadays.. you can still find the victims in infinity.. vip.. boyz if u c them there regularly with the fiery eyes n burning spirit to achieve victory in their rivalries..
Back to the story.. Who could've help me out with my addiction? Only God of failure can... expert (ME myself) discovered it later as the only effective anti-virus software and it did help...ALOT... If I had not failed.. I will not study as hard as I do now.. I realize that very little people were doing so terribly like me, therefore I find it quite shameful and I really regret now.. but good that it motivates me to study real hard!!
Undoubtedly, I had to enter foundation since I can't enter degree because of a fucking (-) behind the C while the minimum requirement is 2C's only. THAT WAS LOW!!!! AND I COULDN'T!!!!! GOD WAS PUNISHING ME OF COURSE...TO WAKE ME UP? I CAUSED IT MYSELF.. SO WHO IS IT TO BLAME? ME!!! NOBODY ELSE.. I deserve what I get... I put myself into these conditions.. where I could hardly answer when people ask me why am I still in 1st year? still in foundation? How come so slow?? It shouldn't be..?? OMG... I didn't want to care about what others say about me.. but it's so impossible as people like to compare among their childrens.. even my own parents too...
I never studied during form 6.. It was already a miracle that I almost entered degree... but I can't say failing STPM is a bad thing... Imagine me entering degree at that time... I could've died so terribly in degree.. my cgpa would suck coz I'm sure I would not do well in first year.. coz I was entering degree using perhaps knowledge worse than a SPM student.. I already forgot everything during my exploitation of myself for 2 years... Maybe it was God's will... to delay my studies.. If I didn't experience that failure.. I might not be who I am now.. probably just so-so student..aiming pass n credit only.. distinction only if lucky.. HD? crazy ppl get 1... say I can't de la... study lan ar like tat?hahahaahaha...... ok enough crap..
I've just completed 1st year 1st sem.. At least I'm doing well now... 2D's 2HD's for the 1st sem !!! quite happy!! in fact very! that's the best i could get but if i was lucky i could've get a 4 or 3.92.. anyway i'm quite contented.. i studied so freaking hard for it till pimples pops out like corns on the left side of my forehead!! You must be wondering y one side only?? coz I was using my left brain too much!! IMBALANCE LIFESTYLE!! During the whole semester I only played computer game less than 5 hours in total.. the rest of the time are all spent mainly on studying and other crucial routine.. many people said I m sot n should take it easy n dun b 2 stress.. I was just scared that I fail again.. the phobia is still there.. I was just trying to do my best so as to unleash my full potential n to have no reason to regret for any possibilities that I could've get better than 3.84 other than being stroke by massive luck.. maybe I was too harsh on myself and took it too seriously, but I'm happy enough to see the outcome. It all pays off. The pimples are all gone! but they're coming back pretty soon.... when school starts again..
Anyway.. back to...Form 6?? I think i got around 1.2 for gpa LOL.. I can say that I'm really hardworking now :) I must keep it on!! I must get first class honours...I believe I can if I commit myself to it like there'll be an exam every tomorrow.. I must repay for what I've done.. I must prove to everyone including myself that I can if I want...and if I do my best.. I will succeed in anything.. I'm not a idiot.. In fact.. I have to say I'm pretty smart coz I got the 1st among civil 1st sem students.. hehe :) *no lan si intended* (just consoling myself for the failures I've experienced =.=) That's a strong encouragement for me to keep up my hard work... Actually there's no idiot, only lazy people.. I've changed.. although not completely.. or else I would've been perfect now.. but nobody can be perfect.. (talk rubbish)
So.... anyway.. I believe.. I will be successful... and I WILL TRY MY BEST TO ACHIEVE MY DREAM (Construction manager n director, contractor or project manager) no matter what it takes...be diligent Calvin! Also I'll be filial to my parents and whoever that has contributed to my life... whoever that has made me smile and be true to me... But.. I will not announce all these changes of mine... Let your eyes witness it.. Let my results explain everything.. When my efforts pay off, I believe something really good awaits me...
Well.. looking back... foundation took me another 1.5 years.. extra half years.. coz I failed Physics during the 1st sem.. So .. I took 3 years n half to complete my pre-U while those going for foundation only spent 1 year!! 3.5 - 1 = 2.5... OMG I'M LATE BY 2 YEARS N HALF!!! If i had passed STPM and entered degree successfully, I would be going into 3rd year in 2009... but now I'm only entering 1st year 2nd sem.. sigh...How precious is time for me to waste like I have more than others??
I only start to realize recently how important is time.. but sigh.. time goes on and never will it stop for me.. even if it stops.. it stops for everyone.. when it starts running again, i'm still behind.. Sometimes, I think I should just look forward and forget the past, but I can't deny that my past is affecting my current life so significantly. I speak less. I play less. I feel less confident. I struggle much in my social life. I feel difficult to make new friends. I feel reluctant to meet new people. I admit that my social circle is depriving, so is my social skills. Sometimes I even feel hard to retain the friendship bond with my current friends.
Why? What happened to me? I realize I'm changing. To good or to bad? I quit being a crazy and playful person who does n says everything without thinking of the consequences merely for the sake of temporary happiness, which is how I made so many friends last time.. I'm having less fun and passion for wild things due to being always in my sober senses. When doing anything, I think of it's pros and cons so much that when I have a decision, someone has already done it before me. I hesitate too much and I hate it. I become more careful and I'm afraid to take risks. I become very protective of myself to an extent that it is having a reverse impact on me. I feel hard to communicate with girls especially of my age and those who are rich due to lack of confidence. My height issue and my current achievement in study are the main culprits. I hope I can grow abit taller.. wait, there's still hope! I got my secret weapon!! Also.. I'm not rich, which may not be the main concern, but it definitely plays a part. No?
Is this a process of growing up? And I supposed to feel this way? Is this a transition period from adolescent towards becoming an adult? What are my opportunities? How do I approach to it? There are so many things yet to learn. I realize that people have to bend forward to get on a hill while those bending behind and facing upwards are going downhill, meaning that we shouldn't be arrogant. Why am I saying this? I don't know.. I'm out of my mind.. I'm having so much struggles and opinions which I could voice out to no one. Even my best friends could not help me because they're nowhere better than me actually..
Am I an adult already? Hell no. I can't communicate well with people. Why am I having this sort of problem? Am I crazy? Should I consult a psychiatrist? Am I having some sort of mental problem? I feel that my health condition is going down the slope. Thus I'm more aware of taking care of my body. Am I sick? I can't seem to talk like I was in secondary school already. I can't seem to attract people to talk to me. I need friends desperately, but I feel hard to expose myself to them from the inside. Am i so different? Can they accept me? Can we really become friends? I have all sort of considerations. Should I just speak to my shadow?
My mind is entangled. My personality is scattered everywhere. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing, but is it good to be so formal? I suffered so much to have to shut up despite so many things I could have said and make people like me perhaps? Can someone tell me what to do? I can't find myself.. I'm extremely confused.. No exaggeration.. It's exactly what I'm feeling.. I see a stranger in the mirror.. I've lost my smile and genuine laughters. I've lost myself.
Who am I? I want to be myself so as to be loved but I find that so hard. Who can really talk to me? How can I find someone with little gap in between us? What do I need? I don't exactly know. Oh well, I'm not feeling any better. fuck..
Nevertheless, these are my aims for 2009.
1. Make tons of friends and talk more. Do not be lazy!
2. Improve relationship with family
3. Laugh more and have more fun
3. Try to join group activities
4. Be more active in church
5. Quit bad habits
6. Get scholarships
7. Keep up the exercises
8. More enthusiasm for learning new things
9. Continue to resist bad temptations
10. Hang out appropriately
Aims are mainly emphasized on improving social life. GOGOGO! YOU CAN DO IT CALVIN!!!!
I realize it's hard to accept the fact that I still need another 3 years and half to complete my degree course while many have already graduated.
I realize it's hard to get back to secondary school friends due to pride, due to the failure in STPM and foundation which caused the severe delay in my study life.
Damnit, I got 7A's in PMR and 8A's in SPM.. and STPM? C+ C- D F.. LOL... What did devil do to me? What was I thinking? Some horse shit blocked my brain??
I didn't thought of my future during form 6 and when I look back now I only see a fuckingg idiot screaming happily in the cc everyday... Being in the legendary HoV DotA clan representing v6 challenging pros everywhere.. we were definitely 1 of the top team in sibu that time... o2jam play until level 66!!!
WHAT FOR?? All the achievements barely has anything to do with me now.. I can only see the bad effects now.. well it was fun.. but imagine all the time and money wasted...It was the WORST thing that ever happened to me in my life so far.. a very very fucking black DOT in my history.. it's almost a SPLASH..
WHY COULDN'T I LOOK 2 YEARS FORWARD INTO THE FUTURE? DIDN'T I REALIZE THAT I COULDN'T ENTER UNI IF I DIDN'T DO WELL AND MY STUDY LIFE WOULD BE SEVERELY DELAYED?? OBVIOUSLY THE FAILURE WAS IN MY PREDICTION... BUT I DID NOTHING TO CHANGE MY DESTINY.. LOL... WHOAAA HAHAHAHAHAH because I was too damn obsessed.. many fucking times worse than if it's by the real devil.. at least for that case, priests can deal with it.. but... it was a new virus.. very strong and almost invulnerable.. cures were yet to be discovered 3 years ago.. the virus.. so robust and vigorous till it can almost be seen with our eyes!! They call it the God of the Computer Games.. it completely penetrated through my fragile heart and leave addiction in me... Not one day I could survive without gaming for at least few hours continuously..
Till now... many teenagers have not found the cure.. as a matter of fact it's still affecting lots of them nowadays.. you can still find the victims in infinity.. vip.. boyz if u c them there regularly with the fiery eyes n burning spirit to achieve victory in their rivalries..
Back to the story.. Who could've help me out with my addiction? Only God of failure can... expert (ME myself) discovered it later as the only effective anti-virus software and it did help...ALOT... If I had not failed.. I will not study as hard as I do now.. I realize that very little people were doing so terribly like me, therefore I find it quite shameful and I really regret now.. but good that it motivates me to study real hard!!
Undoubtedly, I had to enter foundation since I can't enter degree because of a fucking (-) behind the C while the minimum requirement is 2C's only. THAT WAS LOW!!!! AND I COULDN'T!!!!! GOD WAS PUNISHING ME OF COURSE...TO WAKE ME UP? I CAUSED IT MYSELF.. SO WHO IS IT TO BLAME? ME!!! NOBODY ELSE.. I deserve what I get... I put myself into these conditions.. where I could hardly answer when people ask me why am I still in 1st year? still in foundation? How come so slow?? It shouldn't be..?? OMG... I didn't want to care about what others say about me.. but it's so impossible as people like to compare among their childrens.. even my own parents too...
I never studied during form 6.. It was already a miracle that I almost entered degree... but I can't say failing STPM is a bad thing... Imagine me entering degree at that time... I could've died so terribly in degree.. my cgpa would suck coz I'm sure I would not do well in first year.. coz I was entering degree using perhaps knowledge worse than a SPM student.. I already forgot everything during my exploitation of myself for 2 years... Maybe it was God's will... to delay my studies.. If I didn't experience that failure.. I might not be who I am now.. probably just so-so student..aiming pass n credit only.. distinction only if lucky.. HD? crazy ppl get 1... say I can't de la... study lan ar like tat?hahahaahaha...... ok enough crap..
I've just completed 1st year 1st sem.. At least I'm doing well now... 2D's 2HD's for the 1st sem !!! quite happy!! in fact very! that's the best i could get but if i was lucky i could've get a 4 or 3.92.. anyway i'm quite contented.. i studied so freaking hard for it till pimples pops out like corns on the left side of my forehead!! You must be wondering y one side only?? coz I was using my left brain too much!! IMBALANCE LIFESTYLE!! During the whole semester I only played computer game less than 5 hours in total.. the rest of the time are all spent mainly on studying and other crucial routine.. many people said I m sot n should take it easy n dun b 2 stress.. I was just scared that I fail again.. the phobia is still there.. I was just trying to do my best so as to unleash my full potential n to have no reason to regret for any possibilities that I could've get better than 3.84 other than being stroke by massive luck.. maybe I was too harsh on myself and took it too seriously, but I'm happy enough to see the outcome. It all pays off. The pimples are all gone! but they're coming back pretty soon.... when school starts again..
Anyway.. back to...Form 6?? I think i got around 1.2 for gpa LOL.. I can say that I'm really hardworking now :) I must keep it on!! I must get first class honours...I believe I can if I commit myself to it like there'll be an exam every tomorrow.. I must repay for what I've done.. I must prove to everyone including myself that I can if I want...and if I do my best.. I will succeed in anything.. I'm not a idiot.. In fact.. I have to say I'm pretty smart coz I got the 1st among civil 1st sem students.. hehe :) *no lan si intended* (just consoling myself for the failures I've experienced =.=) That's a strong encouragement for me to keep up my hard work... Actually there's no idiot, only lazy people.. I've changed.. although not completely.. or else I would've been perfect now.. but nobody can be perfect.. (talk rubbish)
So.... anyway.. I believe.. I will be successful... and I WILL TRY MY BEST TO ACHIEVE MY DREAM (Construction manager n director, contractor or project manager) no matter what it takes...be diligent Calvin! Also I'll be filial to my parents and whoever that has contributed to my life... whoever that has made me smile and be true to me... But.. I will not announce all these changes of mine... Let your eyes witness it.. Let my results explain everything.. When my efforts pay off, I believe something really good awaits me...
Well.. looking back... foundation took me another 1.5 years.. extra half years.. coz I failed Physics during the 1st sem.. So .. I took 3 years n half to complete my pre-U while those going for foundation only spent 1 year!! 3.5 - 1 = 2.5... OMG I'M LATE BY 2 YEARS N HALF!!! If i had passed STPM and entered degree successfully, I would be going into 3rd year in 2009... but now I'm only entering 1st year 2nd sem.. sigh...How precious is time for me to waste like I have more than others??
I only start to realize recently how important is time.. but sigh.. time goes on and never will it stop for me.. even if it stops.. it stops for everyone.. when it starts running again, i'm still behind.. Sometimes, I think I should just look forward and forget the past, but I can't deny that my past is affecting my current life so significantly. I speak less. I play less. I feel less confident. I struggle much in my social life. I feel difficult to make new friends. I feel reluctant to meet new people. I admit that my social circle is depriving, so is my social skills. Sometimes I even feel hard to retain the friendship bond with my current friends.
Why? What happened to me? I realize I'm changing. To good or to bad? I quit being a crazy and playful person who does n says everything without thinking of the consequences merely for the sake of temporary happiness, which is how I made so many friends last time.. I'm having less fun and passion for wild things due to being always in my sober senses. When doing anything, I think of it's pros and cons so much that when I have a decision, someone has already done it before me. I hesitate too much and I hate it. I become more careful and I'm afraid to take risks. I become very protective of myself to an extent that it is having a reverse impact on me. I feel hard to communicate with girls especially of my age and those who are rich due to lack of confidence. My height issue and my current achievement in study are the main culprits. I hope I can grow abit taller.. wait, there's still hope! I got my secret weapon!! Also.. I'm not rich, which may not be the main concern, but it definitely plays a part. No?
Is this a process of growing up? And I supposed to feel this way? Is this a transition period from adolescent towards becoming an adult? What are my opportunities? How do I approach to it? There are so many things yet to learn. I realize that people have to bend forward to get on a hill while those bending behind and facing upwards are going downhill, meaning that we shouldn't be arrogant. Why am I saying this? I don't know.. I'm out of my mind.. I'm having so much struggles and opinions which I could voice out to no one. Even my best friends could not help me because they're nowhere better than me actually..
Am I an adult already? Hell no. I can't communicate well with people. Why am I having this sort of problem? Am I crazy? Should I consult a psychiatrist? Am I having some sort of mental problem? I feel that my health condition is going down the slope. Thus I'm more aware of taking care of my body. Am I sick? I can't seem to talk like I was in secondary school already. I can't seem to attract people to talk to me. I need friends desperately, but I feel hard to expose myself to them from the inside. Am i so different? Can they accept me? Can we really become friends? I have all sort of considerations. Should I just speak to my shadow?
My mind is entangled. My personality is scattered everywhere. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing, but is it good to be so formal? I suffered so much to have to shut up despite so many things I could have said and make people like me perhaps? Can someone tell me what to do? I can't find myself.. I'm extremely confused.. No exaggeration.. It's exactly what I'm feeling.. I see a stranger in the mirror.. I've lost my smile and genuine laughters. I've lost myself.
Who am I? I want to be myself so as to be loved but I find that so hard. Who can really talk to me? How can I find someone with little gap in between us? What do I need? I don't exactly know. Oh well, I'm not feeling any better. fuck..
Nevertheless, these are my aims for 2009.
1. Make tons of friends and talk more. Do not be lazy!
2. Improve relationship with family
3. Laugh more and have more fun
3. Try to join group activities
4. Be more active in church
5. Quit bad habits
6. Get scholarships
7. Keep up the exercises
8. More enthusiasm for learning new things
9. Continue to resist bad temptations
10. Hang out appropriately
Aims are mainly emphasized on improving social life. GOGOGO! YOU CAN DO IT CALVIN!!!!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
OH BE A MAN ALREADY
This is not written by me.. I copied it from someone else's blog I forgot who... but it's a good guide for guys :) LEARN IT!!
Have you ever been in this situation? You're at a bookstore/gym/cafe/party/conference. Things seem uneventful enough. Until *bingo*, you see someone cute. As in, really cute--you can't keep your eyes off him. Every twenty seconds or so, you casually scan the area, and are not satisfied until you know exactly where he/she is. And lo and behold, he/she is showing signs of interest as well! Your glances are reciprocated each and every time, and he seems very co-operative in the most important event in the Pre-Acquaintance Flirting Olympics: 'casually walking past each other'. And so you eagerly wait for him to approach you.
But. He. Never. Does.
And you leave the place not only feeling terribly disappointed, but with a hideous gash in your self-esteem. Was it because my butt looked fat? Was it because he hated what I was wearing? Was my hair frizzy? My skin too pale?
I've been through it countless times. And all my friends have to say about it is, 'maybe he's waiting for you to make the move.'
That is it. Once and for all, the rule should be set: The GUY does the approaching. Kapische? The GUY. If you're interested, and you let the chance slip by just because she didn't make the move, that's just pathetic. If you hold back because of nerves... what the heck have you got to lose anyway? The worst that could happen is that she's a total bitch, in which case she wasn't worth it to begin with, in which case you are free to walk away and try someone worthier. Yes, it's that simple. Now do the male thing already and gravitate, baby, GRAVITATE to the female that registers in your head as 'hot'.
As is the nature of my greatness,
I am here to help.
Here are some ideas on how to strike up a conversation with a stranger that catches your eye.
First of all, there is nothing inherently wrong about just walking up to someone and asking for her number, as long as you're nice about it. If anyone says it's a rude thing to do, punch him/her in the face and say 'Oh yeah? Well how's that?'
Not that that's any nicer, but it's just your personal favour for me.
Anyway.
BOOKSTORE
How perfect is that? She's already sitting down and won't be going anywhere for a while.
COLLEGE
WHY WOMEN THINK YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT
Have you ever been in this situation? You're at a bookstore/gym/cafe/party/conference. Things seem uneventful enough. Until *bingo*, you see someone cute. As in, really cute--you can't keep your eyes off him. Every twenty seconds or so, you casually scan the area, and are not satisfied until you know exactly where he/she is. And lo and behold, he/she is showing signs of interest as well! Your glances are reciprocated each and every time, and he seems very co-operative in the most important event in the Pre-Acquaintance Flirting Olympics: 'casually walking past each other'. And so you eagerly wait for him to approach you.
But. He. Never. Does.
And you leave the place not only feeling terribly disappointed, but with a hideous gash in your self-esteem. Was it because my butt looked fat? Was it because he hated what I was wearing? Was my hair frizzy? My skin too pale?
I've been through it countless times. And all my friends have to say about it is, 'maybe he's waiting for you to make the move.'
That is it. Once and for all, the rule should be set: The GUY does the approaching. Kapische? The GUY. If you're interested, and you let the chance slip by just because she didn't make the move, that's just pathetic. If you hold back because of nerves... what the heck have you got to lose anyway? The worst that could happen is that she's a total bitch, in which case she wasn't worth it to begin with, in which case you are free to walk away and try someone worthier. Yes, it's that simple. Now do the male thing already and gravitate, baby, GRAVITATE to the female that registers in your head as 'hot'.
As is the nature of my greatness,
I am here to help.
Here are some ideas on how to strike up a conversation with a stranger that catches your eye.
First of all, there is nothing inherently wrong about just walking up to someone and asking for her number, as long as you're nice about it. If anyone says it's a rude thing to do, punch him/her in the face and say 'Oh yeah? Well how's that?'
Not that that's any nicer, but it's just your personal favour for me.
Anyway.
BOOKSTORE
- Glance at the bookshelf she's standing in front of, and pick a title at random. Then pretend to scan the shelf with a vexed expression for a few seconds, then approach the girl and ask her 'Excuse me, did you happen to see this book--The Interpreter? It's supposed to be on this shelf but I can't seem to find it...'
- Check out the book she's reading, then go up to her and say 'No way--you like Ian Holt? Have you ever read "..."? It's my personal favourite.' Of course, you'll have to do some homework before using this trick.
- If she's walking around, go up to her and ask 'Miss, do you know where the law section is? I'm a bit lost.' Then tell her an elaborate tale of how you usually shop at 1 Utama, not Mid Valley, and the store layout is completely different here... then say 'I'm John, by the way' and put your hand out for a shake, LET GO OF HER HAND before she yells for the security guards, and ask her if she prefers Starbucks or Coffee Bean.
How perfect is that? She's already sitting down and won't be going anywhere for a while.
- Ask her if the seat next to her is taken, and if she would mind if you joined her.
- If she isn't alone, buy her a drink (I recommend a bottle of Esprit fruit juice--you don't know her taste in coffee, and she can take it with her if she's already ordered a drink and wants to save yours for later) and have it sent to her table, making sure the waiter tells her exactly who it's from.
- If she's just having a drink and not eating anything, order her a slice of cake. Don't order cheesecake--not everyone likes it. And the prettier the cake the better.
- Big spender? Order cake for everyone at her table.
- If she smiles at you and graciously accepts the drink/dessert, walk on over to her after a while and ask for her number.
- NEVER leave her with the bill, even if she refuses to give you her number. That's just horrid (plus I don't think the cafe staff would let you get away with it).
- Sit. Next. To. Her.
- Or, after the conference, grab a coffee, stand next to her and raise a friendly (FRIENDLY) debate.
- Gawd this one is easy.
- Juice bar juice bar JUICE BAR.
- Is she joining a class? Go in with her. After the class, mingle a bit. Talk about the class, complain a little or show off a little (note: a little), then let the conversation flow from there.
- Is she using gym equipment and good at it? Unless you're covered in tell-tale rippling muscles, tell her you're new at the whole gym thing and ask her how to use the 'thingy' next to her. Don't call it a stepper/butterfly press/whatever. You're a noob, remember?
- If you are covered in rippling muscles, tell her you usually work out on the football field/dragon boat (dragon boaters are pretty much an instant hit with me) and you're only now using fancy gym machines.
- Is she using gym equipment and bad at it? Teach her laaaa.
- Is she watching a show? Just slide onto the gymcycle/stepper/treadmill next to her, and ask her which TV channel she's tuned into. Then watch the same programme, and whenever something interesting happens, laugh together/comment on it.
- I will not insult your intelligence by showing you around this one.
COLLEGE
- Smart classmate: Ask for homework help.
- Not-so-smart classmate: Just ask for her number, she won't say no.
- Non-classmate: Ask the girl about your most recent assignment--any recent assignment, as long as she hasn't a single clue what you're on about. And then 'Oh you're not in my Journalism 101 class? That's weird, because you looked really familiar. My bad. I'm John, by the way. Well, thanks for your... potential help (reward self for joke with short chuckle). Oh right, one more question--do you know where the photography lab is? I've been looking everywhere...' Chances are you won't walk away with her number, but you'll have had a pleasant starter conversation, and the next time you see her, you'll be exchanging smiles, and a few more smiles later--BOOM!--friendship.
- 'Hey, are you a mass communications student? Yeah, I was thinking of maybe transferring into that faculty, so I wanted to know what it was like. What's your major? Oh sorry, I'm John, by the way...'
- Crowded cafeterias are perfect: join her table because all the other tables suck/are taken.
WHY WOMEN THINK YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT
- It's flattering.
- Once you have the confidence to approach a girl, even one you don't know, and properly, you really will be regarded as 'A Class Above' all other males.
- It's flattering.
- We're sick of you men (1) wolf-whistling, (2) staring, and (3) taking not-so-discreet pictures of the girl with a cell phone.
- It's flattering.
- We spend fortunes on our shoes and wardrobe, spend an extra two hours on our hair and makeup, go through nightly three-step routines to fight breakouts, and prance around looking and smelling wonderful so that this sort of thing can happen to us. So yes it's exactly What We Want!
- If she seems too nervous/annoyed that a stranger is talking to her, stop it.
- If she is younger than 16 and you are older than 20, please refrain.
- If her friends are being bitchy, leave her alone. If you date the girl with bitchy friends, you date the bitchy friends as well.
- Be not creepy.
- This falls under (4), but it's worth stating clearly: DO NOT use the puckered-lip-squeaking noise to hail for her attention. It's very, very rude and I swear there was a guy I once quite liked but the minute I heard that monkey squeak I was put off him forever. The monkey squeak ruins your chances, period.
- If she doesn't give you her number, don't disregard my ideas as crap--you're just not good enough for her. Or, she already has a boyfriend. Or, she's a lesbian.
- But most likely, you're just not good enough for her.
- Haha. Just kidding.
- ...Psyche.
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